“Of all the rules we were taught before we were allowed to travel in time, one stands above all: Don’t screw anything up.”
Books
The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid: A Memoir (2006)
“Theirs truly was a marriage made in heaven, for no one could burn food like my mother or eat it like my dad.”
Bossypants (2011)
“The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30.”
A Better World (2014)
“He felt sometimes like a gym teacher substitute-teaching a biology class; he was reading the same book as his pupil, and only about a week ahead.”
Brilliance (2013)
“The world would be a better place if people stopped voting for folksy candidates they could have a beer with and started voting for people smarter than they are.”